no questions please...

There are tons of words a child can and will learn. I read somewhere that, at the stage Alexis is in, they learn something like 13 new words a day. That's a lot of words. And that's a lot of pressure on us to make sure those are the "right" words. It wasn't until she started talking that I realized Jamie and I have trucker mouths. We're quick to say "oops, I mean Shoot" or "oh, I meant Fudge" after a slip, but I can't see that being effective.

One of the very first words is "no". Alexis has a very matter-of-fact "no". There usually isn't even a hint of negativity to her "no"...it's simply a sweet, gentle "no". In addition to "no" being something you say when you decide you don't want something, like a certain food or for the dogs to get away from her cookie), "no" is also a response to an option or choice. "Do you want this?" "No."

Recently, after falling ill and wanting desperately to stay in bed on a Tuesday morning, I'd asked Jamie to get Alexis ready in the morning (typically my job). I heard him enter her room and could hear her laugh and smile. After a few repetitions of "Mama?", Jamie asks her, "Are you ready to get out of bed?" Her response? "No." "Come on Alexis, can I get you up and dressed?" "No." He was giving her choices, and she was responding accordingly.

That evening, he also took on the job of giving her a bath (again, usually my role). She's splashing away, having a dandy time as she always does in the tub, and finally it was time to get out. Jamie asks her, "You ready to get out?" "No." He'd reach down and say, "Are you ready?" She'd turn away and give him her sweet little "No."

We've decided that she's too young to have options. It's not "Are you ready to get up?" Instead, it's "It's time to get up Alexis." We can't ask, "Are you ready to get out of the tub?" It should be, "Ok, let's get out of the tub now."

Someone at my work told me that you should always put out two outfits for a child and they can pick which one they want to wear. I asked, "At 16 months?" "Sure." Age aside, why slow down the morning routine with two outfits on the bed and her needing to sit and ponder which is best. Not to mention, I have enough to get ready the night before, I don't need to spend time picking out TWO getups. Until she's old enough to really benefit from picking something like that out, I'm not going to be giving her a chance to say "No, I don't want to wear either."

There are plenty of chances for her to learn the art of making choices. She can decide which book to read or what blocks to play with. She can even sometimes pick out if she wants a banana or blueberries. But sometimes she doesn't really have a choice, so why lead her on?